The House Inspection

We've just had our 'house inspection' by our landlady. It's been bothering me for a few weeks now. Our rented cottage is Victorian so complete with draughty sash windows, damp inviting old brick, and creaky floorboards. All these charms lose their romance when it's challenge to keep things clean. Add to that all the stuff we own and our general untidiness and you can see why house inspections cause me to break out in a cold sweat.

Thankfully we passed, although we'll be receiving a few recommendations by e-mail. Now I can relax a bit more. The whole thing has given me cause to remember the time when my brothers and I used to play 'house inspections', the memory of which always makes me laugh.

When we were children we used to construct houses for our figurines. We'd use books, Sylvanian Family toys, Duplo, Lego, and even bits of real furniture. We would then use our imaginations for the rest.

Once our figurine families were neatly settled in their homes we'd come up with various adventures for them. One event that nearly always took place was the 'house inspection.'

"Look at the state of these walls!"

An evil house inspector, usually played by the Sheriff of Nottingham, Jafar or Emperor Palpatine would knock on the door, rudely barge into the house with no invitation, and proceed to criticise anything and everything about the house from the layout of one room to the size of another, to the choice of furnishings in the living room (usually Sylvanian floral) to the colour of the units in the kitchen (usually Duplo blue)

"You call this a house?"

Eventually this iniquitous villain would turn to insulting the home owner and their family. The end result would involve the offended characters chasing the inspector from their home in a humorous fashion. More than once this would involve one of the Puppy in my Pocket dogs biting his bottom to more bizarre retaliations such as when one of the inspectors walked in on John Smith from Pocahontus in the bath. John proceeded to drive the bath, which had suddenly developed wheels for the occasion, after the inspector forcing him down the Duplo stairs, out of the house and down the carpeted street to the distant land of the laundry basket. Ah the imaginations of our childhood...

"Your face is a disgrace!"

Who these tiny plastic house inspectors worked for and what rights of enforcement they had we will never know, although they did manage a couple of successful evictions which would lead our main characters to another exciting adventure.

Needless to say my view of house inspections has been tainted by these childhood experiences, causing me unnecessary anxiety. It is a relief to open the door to a kind landlady who just wants to check we're not digging up trenches in the kitchen, and who I don't have to chase down the streets, with or without the aid of my magically wheeled bath.



Sheriff of Nottingham - http://www.totalfilm.com/features/9-villains-who-stole-the-movie
Jafar - http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/jafar/images/14792933/title/jafar-photo
Emperor Palpatine - http://lucasfilm.wikia.com/wiki/Emperor_Palpatine