Broken Toy Syndrome

My youngest brother used to have a wind-up toy Noddy. You wound him up and he scurried across the floor, from one end of the room to another. After some time, this Noddy became a little broken. You would wind him up and he would start walking and then topple over, his feet still scurrying, desperate to reach his destination, but never making it. Why am I telling you this? It is because right now this broken Noddy springs to mind when I try to describe how I'm feeling at the moment, unable to get to my destination but manically attempting to go full pelt ahead anyway.

The last couple of weeks have been very busy. Firstly summer came to the UK for one whole week, so that time was spent enjoying the great outdoors.

Secondly, and perhaps more significantly for me, I've had two job interviews and an end of contract meeting at work. My mind has been working overtime, wanting to control the situation more than I am capable of doing, and my energy has just disappeared as a result.

I didn't get either of the jobs, even though apparently I interviewed really well at both, especially the first one where they said that I was a very close second and that if they'd had two jobs going they would have given the other to me. They've also encouraged me to apply to their organisation again, which was a nice boost to the confidence. I took that rejection well, but the second one, which I received the "thanks but no thanks" call for this morning, left me feeling pretty blue.

This was on top of a reasonable end-of-contract meeting at my current job. Reasonable, in that there are potentially two further job opportunities available with them. I should be excited about this, and I think once I've considered these options in greater depth then I will be, but right now I feel sad that my current contract is definitely coming to an end, and that I will be leaving a great team of people at the beginning of September. Having said that, it would be fantastic to stay in the same organisation, even if it means working at a different office and in a different role. I'm not going to ignore the opportunities that have been presented to me, and I am grateful that I still have a choice about this.

It's just all been a lot to take in over the last few days - the first interview was on Thursday, the second on Monday, and the work meeting was today, so I've had butterflies non-stop over the past week, and my mind has been whizzing round in circles as it works on its usual attempts to control the situation without consulting God in the process. To be fair, I have prayed about this, and others have definitely been praying for me too, but try telling my brain that - it won't listen, it's still convinced it can figure out the best options on its own. I've been like that broken Noddy, trying to hurry to solve the problem right now, but clearly unable to.

It's been difficult for me to focus on stuff that isn't related to jobs, which has had some impact on both my writing and my blogging and my general enjoyment of free time. I think I would like to take some time to stop worrying, and to put some energy back into what I love, to convince my whirring mind to settle down for a bit, to stop leaping all over the place and planning for every single possible outcome to everything that could ever happen even if it may not happen, argh!

I am grateful to my husband for being a strong and calming influence in my worrisome little world, I am grateful to my friends and family who offer encouragement and ample distraction from my concerns, I am grateful to all the bloggers I follow for giving me an excuse to break from my worries to catch up on their exciting tales and ponderings on life, and above all I am grateful to God who is always the same, who wants the best for me, and who picks me up in my broken Noddy moments, fixes me and sets me back on track.

I don't know what eventually became of the broken toy Noddy but I like to think that one day he began to work as normal again and toddled off into the sunset.

Picture from Zedge