Answering the Call

Today I begin my first day working from home. Today I begin to treat my writing as my career. For it was what I was made to do. Ever since I was 5 I have wanted to write fiction. When I first wrote a story at school I loved it. It came to me completely naturally and if I could have, I would have spent the rest of my school life writing stories. I have always had talent there.

But I haven't always believed in myself. I have had my self-esteem seriously crushed, particularly through secondary school, but also through experiences in my adult life. Through this, I have always written. It has always been my outlet. It has always been my dream to write. But I have accepted that life is not that simple. And I have never taken the step to make writing my 'career'. I always thought that somehow it would just happen. Even though I have settled for mediocre jobs that have only required a maximum of 5 A-C grade GCSEs. Jobs that have worn me out and sucked all of my energy from me, to the point where so tired and downbeat it has been a struggle to keep a home and to do all the voluntary work at church that I am involved in. Where is the time in all that to write? Yes, sometimes I made time, I had to. But it is not enough.

All my life God has been calling me to this. There is a reason this is my dream. There is a reason that I love writing so much. There is a reason that when I write stories, I feel home...

On 31st July this year I finally answered Him. I said, "Yes."

For so long I have said, "One day I will do it. One day when we have enough money. One day when I can have the perfect writing space at home. One day when I am doing a job I love that will give me the motivation. I will do it, but not now." I was using a flawed logic. The more I put off what I have been made to do the harder I have made it to do it. And I have indirectly been distancing myself from God.

Genesis 12: 1-9. That's what the sermon at the evening service on 31st July 2011 was about. God spoke to me loud and clear. I knew then that I had to make this step. I had to leave a job that was destroying me psychologically. And like Abram, I had to answer God's call and make the leap of faith.

So here I am. Excited, scared, but trusting in Him completely.

Last week I started a part-time office job for one of the emergency services. The rest of the week I will be writing. I believe that eventually writing will become my only job. At the moment it is right for me to stay in office work. I am trusting God, and I know that part of that trust is being obedient - money has to come from somewhere, and my husband's job also has to be supported by some kind of income on my part. Nevertheless, it's a cut on what I was bringing in, and things will be tight.

Yet, this is absolutely the right thing to be doing. The support of both mine and my husband's families has been brilliant. The very people we expected to try and dissuade me, have been nothing but happy for me, and they are behind me 100%.

I know this will be a challenge. It is not going to be easy. That is why I am doing this completely through faith.

I was too comfortable in my 'safe' job, but I was miserable. I was a square peg in a round hole, pretending to be something I'm not, and not fulfilling my purpose in life.

The time has come for change, and here I am. He gave everything for me. I am answering His call, and He is with me every step of the way.