Farewell 2011!

WARNING: This is kind of long... Feel free to skip to the bits that interest you most :)

It's early afternoon on New Year's Eve, and as I'm having a break from household chores to eat my lunch I thought I would take some time to reflect on 2011 before getting things ready for the evening's celebrations.

In many ways 2011 has been much like any year, plenty of ups and downs punctuated by significant events. I have plenty to be thankful for though, and I wanted to share some of those things with you:

Accommodation - In March we moved from a large flat in the centre of town where we had no end of problems to a Victorian mid-terrace cottage that is more tucked away but still very close to everything. Our landlord is a good friend from church which means we've been able to get away from greedy letting agents. The house and our landlord have been such a blessing to us. The house is very comfortable and we both feel much more at home here.

Jobs - I left my job at the council at the end of September. This job had been draining me of all motivation and energy, and was making me very depressed. Some mornings I would cry for ages before I could bring myself to leave home and drag my protesting feet and heart up the long hill to the concrete block of doom. The public sector in the UK is going through a lot of problems at the moment, and this showed at the council, with restructure after restructure. But some of the people I had to work for made a bad situation so much worse.
My current admin role is still with the public sector, but for one of the emergency services, and I am much happier. There is a lot of banter but good camaraderie. I may not always like what my colleagues say but they are open and honest. Real life happens there and I get the sense that my new colleagues have a much better understanding of the things that really matter in life.

Writing - My unhappiness at the council aside, the main reason I resigned from my job there was to pursue my true dream of becoming an author. I believe that this is what God wants me to do. So far it's been a challenge settling into the routine of working from home two days a week and staying disciplined enough to write. However, NaNoWriMo really helped me by giving me a deadline and one piece of work to focus on. Whilst I will probably always have multiple projects on the go the experience of NaNoWriMo has really encouraged me in my writing.

Youth Work - Last year my husband and I started helping out with youth work at our church on Friday evenings. It was scary and we weren't sure if we would ever fit into it well. Then in February we volunteered on a weekend away for the older youth (14+). It was three days packed with worship, Bible study, games, sports, arts & crafts, and lots of chatting and drinking tea. During that weekend we got to know a number of the youth better, and we both felt a lot more confident afterwards. We began to help on Sunday evenings too, and as a result we've both grown in our roles as youth leaders. In October two of the girls from my small group got baptised. It's been so exciting to be part of their journey of faith, and they really inspire me in my own relationship with God.
We've also been part of a big change with the old youth minister moving onto a different role in the church, and a completely new youth minister joining. Things were rocky at times with the changes, and especially when we didn't know if we would be getting a new youth minister or not, but God has been so faithful to our church's mission and we are very, very blessed.

Old Friends - My best friends are those from my sixth-form days, and I have many more close friends from university, childhood and my first job. We have great friends at our church who we see at least once a week, if not more, but I do miss my old friends a lot. We all live all over the country now so meeting up takes a lot of planning. It's always worth it though, and I've been able to catch up with many of them, especially over Christmas. There are still a couple that I didn't get to see this year that I am hoping I will be able to see in 2012!

Us - We celebrated our first anniversary in June with a lovely holiday in Shropshire. We couldn't believe we'd been married for a whole year. It's been great and we're looking forward to a number of exciting adventures in 2012!

Food - We've really enjoyed growing some of our own things, trying out new recipes, baking, brewing, and creating! My husband has always been a good cook but I feel that I have learnt a lot this year so I can be a bit more handy around the kitchen!

Blogging - From July onwards I started to blog a lot more regularly. Although I started this blog for fun, back in 2009, I struggled to keep it updated and only wrote when I felt like it, which was not often as my job was sucking all enjoyment of anything from me. Therefore I've really enjoyed giving my blog a lot more attention.
This year I've gained 8 new followers! That may not be much in the blogger world, but it is for me. I've really enjoyed becoming part of the blogging community more and slowly getting to know people from across the Atlantic and all the way Down Under through their blogs - hello there! Thank you to all of you who follow, or who read anonymously, or to those of you who may sometimes pop by! No thanks to you though spambots *grrr*  My blog means more to me now I know there are people who read and enjoy what I write.

Clockwise from top left - family tea party, me on holiday doing one of my obligatory silly poses, jars of freshly made chutney and piccalilli, table set up for our wedding anniversary dinner at the holiday cottage in Shropshire, my goodbye balloon from the council, veggies newly planted in the spring, replica Roman villa and store at Wroxeter Roman City.

So, as we look ahead to the New Year, what do I expect to see dominating?

Babies - Not ours (well you never know, there's still time for 2012, but not likely for us), but a crazy number of our friends are expecting! One friend is due to give birth any day now, the others are all expecting in late spring and on into summer. It's very exciting but also a little scary - every time another pregnancy is announced I get reminded that we're all grown up and it freaks me out!

Graduations - My brother who got a distinction for his MSc in Environmental Management with GIS is graduating in February, and (providing they both pass, which of course they will), my youngest brother can expect to graduate from his BA in Creative Writing with English Literature in the later half of the year, as can my husband with his MSc in Clinical Biochemistry. I'm related to a smart bunch of people :D

Frugality - Money is tight but that's ok. We've never been particularly extravagant but there are certainly changes we can make. A lesson in leaner living is no bad thing, and both my husband and I are putting our heads together to figure out the best ways to do that.

Photography - My husband and I bought a good camera last year as our wedding present to each other. However, my husband often hogs the camera because he loves practising arty shots and taking lots of close-ups of wildlife and flowers. His parents gave him a new camera for Christmas that has changeable lenses and can do way more fancy things. Therefore the other camera is now all mine and I am looking to be a little more adventurous with the pictures I take, yey!

Writing - Because I can and I must and I will!

There are lots of other things I hope for 2012, like spending more quality time with friends and family, going on more historical adventures, social justice campaigns at church, trying out more recipes to cook or bake. Also, I wouldn't mind if we could have a general election this year, but alas! it shall not be so. Anyway, I don't wish to end this on a bad note, so:

May you all have a very happy and blessed 2012!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

The Joy of Christmas

Our Christmas tree with lots of exciting presents for our families!

I found it hard to get into the spirit of the season this year. I think there are a number of reasons as to why, from my cold knocking the stuffing out of me for several days, to the usual SAD symptoms, to the overwhelming amount of good news from many friends which for some reason has left me feeling like I have nothing interesting to share. It's silly really, I am incredibly happy for all of my friends, why wouldn't I be? And yet combined with my winter depression my emotions seem to have gone into some kind of meltdown.

It was only on the Sunday before Christmas that I finally began to feel festive. Our church held its annual traditional carol service in the afternoon, followed by a contemporary Christmas service in the evening. I was giving one of the readings at the traditional service, and my husband was operating the digi-projector for the hymns. For the traditional service the church is lit by candles and the fairy lights around the tree. The choir and the orchestra were dressed in red and black, and the church was adorned in beautiful red flowers and holly leaves.

The church was packed, the choir sang beautifully, and the sermon was both thought-provoking and inspiring. Finally, it felt like Christmas.

My husband and I then popped home for a quick cup of tea before heading back for the contemporary service. We usually attend the evening service weekly anyway so this was like our usual Sunday service only with a Christmas theme running throughout. The worship was fantastic, and another awesome sermon was given. A special part of the service was when we each went up during the worship to light a small candle on one of the Advent candles at the front, and then returned to our seats to sing, pray, and focus on the little light of the candle flame alight in the pot in our hands, a reminder that Jesus Christ is the Light of the World, and that it is His coming to save mankind that is the reason why we celebrate Christmas.

I love the giving and receiving of gifts, the decorating, the parties, and especially the quality time spent with family and friends throughout the festive period, but for me Christmas is not Christmas without taking time to truly focus on and celebrate the coming of Christ into this world.

And it was after that Sunday that I felt ready to celebrate properly. Our decorations in the house seemed to finally come to life. Although I had enjoyed putting them up, I didn't really appreciate them until I was in a jollier mood. The tree is an old one of my parents that is still surviving, and the Nativity set is made up of a little figures that my brothers and I all received in our stockings many years ago. Our house this year is a happier one, and the decorations fit perfectly into our small and cosy living room.

Earlier in the month my husband and I had started working on hampers for our families as presents. It was fun making the different items, and perhaps the only thing I was excited about at the beginning of December. Each hamper contained a jar of piccalilli, a jar of roasted pepper and tomato chutney, a jar of pumpkin and orange spiced jam, two bottles of our pear cider, two bottles of our home brewed beer, a bag of ginger cookies in Christmas shapes (lots of crazy looking snowmen and odd shaped stars!), and a small box of raspberry liqueur truffles. We only added one thing that we didn't make ourselves, some clementines to fill in any gaps left in each box.

From top left clockwise - a surprise Christmas bouquet from hubby, key players in the Nativity, cool decorations from Created, and one of the hampers packed and ready to go!

On Christmas Eve we headed up to my husband's family's, and then on Boxing Day we went down to mine, before returning to our little home yesterday evening. We've had a lovely relaxing time and have seen lots of friends and relatives in just a few days. It's been a whirlwind but good fun.

Now Christmas Day and Boxing Day have been and gone, the presents have been unwrapped, and the turkey has been consumed, but there are still plenty of friends to catch up with and the New Year to welcome in before it is time to return to work.

It's not always easy to be jolly at Christmas. Sometimes that's because really rubbish stuff happens (as it did for my family a number of years ago now), or sometimes you just feel sad and wish it would all just go away. That is why it is so important to me that I do not lose the focus of what Christmas is all about. The reading I gave at the traditional carol service sums it up for me. This is what Christmas, and indeed my life, is all about:

Christ Jesus 

who, being in very nature God,

did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,

but made himself nothing,

taking the very nature of a servant,

being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man,

he humbled himself and became obedient to death - 

even death on a cross!

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place

and gave him the name that is above every name,

that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow

in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,

to the Glory of God the Father.

Philippians 2:5-11

It's Christmas Eve!

I've had a very busy week in the run-up to Christmas, so I've just popped on now to say:

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Hibernation

hibernate [ˈhaɪbəˌneɪt]

vb (intr)

1. (Life Sciences & Allied Applications / Zoology) (of some mammals, reptiles, and amphibians) to pass the winter in a dormant condition with metabolism greatly slowed down.

2. to cease from activity

[from Latin hibernare to spend the winter, from hibernus of winter, from hiems winter]

hibernation  n

(Definition from thefreedictionary.com, because ours has gone missing *sigh*)

Hibernating is what I feel like I should be doing right now. It is all I feel like doing. Except I can't.

Not even a state of 'waking hibernation' like polar bears, (one of) my favourite animals ♥

Bleurgh!

I'm still ill, bah! My throat is really sore. I don't really feel sorry for myself so much now, as just irritated. I can't go to a girls brunch this morning with some of my church friends because I don't want to infect them with anything nasty.

So wrapped up in blankets again I have turned to my blog, and lacking in inspiration as I am when I'm poorly, thought I would do this little questionnaire which I have taken from Jeanine of Wayfaring Girl on a Mission and K.Elizabeth of A Million Little Somethings.

Here are some vaguely interesting facts about me:

Bodiam Castle in Sussex

1. What's the nerdiest and/or weirdest thing about you?
There are many things to choose from. What stands out the most though? Mmm. Well I used to play World of Warcraft, which is fairly nerdy. However, I think my love of history is where I am at my nerdiest. I'm the kind of person that will sit and criticise historical inaccuracies in films and TV series (Rome usually made me want to throw things at the TV!), my favourite task at my old job was historical GIS mapping, my favourite places to visit are castles, and I can't help but laugh at things like this:

It takes my breath away...

2. If you could live in a fictional universe from any book, movie, or television show, what would it be?

I think I would probably choose Narnia. I can't describe the excitement I felt when I was little and watched the old series on TV, or when I read the books. The Chronicles of Narnia are one of my biggest inspirations as a writer, and so living in Narnia itself would be simply amazing.

3. Little or big, practical or frivolous, what are a few favourite items in your house?

Our bed definitely - a memory foam mattress and deliciously soft organic cotton linen makes it very difficult to leave in the mornings, especially in the depths of winter! 

I also love my dragon tree, called Dylan because I have lovingly nurtured him since my first year at university - the poor thing has survived being under watered, knocked over by a careless housemate, and living in a cold draught when it is a hot weather loving plant. Thankfully, nowadays he is flourishing. 

Other things worthy of high favour are: the electric whisk, the camera, my teddy bear, and photos, photos, photos!

4. Do you like animated movies? If so, which is your favourite?

YES! I love Disney, but I am also a huge fan of Studio Ghibli. My all time favourite Disney film is Beauty and the Beast, followed by The Lion King, Snow White, and Mulan. 

My all time favourite Studio Ghibli film is Laputa: Castle in the Sky, followed by Howls Moving Castle and Spirited Away. However, My Neighbour Totoro is the one film that always cheers me up when I'm sad - I can watch it in Japanese or English and still it makes me smile, every time :)

Ooh yes, and as it's nearly Christmas, my firm festive favourite, that always reduces me to tears, is The Snowman.

'Carrying You' from Laputa played at the church before I made my entrance on our wedding day

5. What is your least favourite household chore?

All of them.

6. What's your favourite thing to get at Starbucks (or favourite coffee shop)?

I'm more of a tea room girl myself. Nothing beats afternoon tea, especially after a long countryside walk or ancient ruin exploration!

7. What is your favourite pizza topping?

Ham and pineapple.

8. Waffles or pancakes?

Waffles.

9. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Ballerina, nurse, teacher, actress, but most of all an author.

10. Do you prefer cooking or baking?

Cooking I think, although I have recently discovered that I can actually bake and that I rather enjoy it.

11. What would be your dream job?

Writing, writing, writing...

12. Do you make your bed every morning?

*snort* No!

13. Picasso or Norman Rockwell?

I have no idea who Norman Rockwell is! I am so uncultured when it comes to art, something I have oft been berated for. I admire it, but I don't get passionate about it...sorry...I have a heart of stone, I know...

14. Do you like carpet, tile or hardwood floors?

Hardwood definitely. I have noticed that when you put a small rug down on a hardwood floor you can gracefully slide from one end of the room to the other.

15. What is your least favourite thing about yourself?

We won't go there.

16. Last movie you watched?

Easy Virtue.

17. Computer or Television?

Computer! Every time, yes yes, we don't even have a television!

18. Favourite sound?

Birdsong. As a country girl at heart, birdsong anywhere lifts my spirits and makes me feel at home in some way.

19. If you could have a $5000 shopping spree to one store, which would it be?

Firstly, I would convert it into stirling of course. Then, mmm, how do I choose!? Probably Steamer Trading. So much uber kitchen gear it makes both me and my husband drool every time we go in there. I always promised we'd buy a KitchenAid food mixer when we have more money than sense so a shopping spree at one particular store seems to be the perfect excuse!

Practical, pretty, pricey

20. If you could be any Jane Austen fictional character who would you choose?

Elizabeth Bennet. I love her wit and her honesty, that she speaks her mind. I also admire her loyalty to her family, even when they drive her mad. Pride and Prejudice made me laugh out loud when I read it, and that was usually in scenes involving Lizzie, most notably her rejection of Mr Collins' marriage proposal. And of course, I'm also a big fan of the developing relationship between Lizzie and Mr Darcy throughout the book.

Bodiam Castle photo my own.

The Christmas Cold

Deep in darkest Sussex a new strain of rhinovirus rears its ugly head every Christmas. This year it has kicked off early in the Advent season, and to my great bitterness has chosen to afflict me. I should be grateful, I suppose, that I do not actually have it over Christmas itself.

I don't like to be miserable when I'm ill, and I choose to ignore it for as long as possible. Today I went to work and even decorated the office Christmas Tree. I later met my mum for hot chocolate, and I then did some Christmas shopping. So I'm not that ill.

But right now I just feel bunged up, snotty, sleepy and generally disgusting, bleurgh. I guess you could say that I feel a little sorry for myself, awww.... I've taken paracetamol, keep eating fruit and vegetables, and I have been drinking lots of fluids, although each time I make another drink for my sore throat I'm reminded of one of my many favourite Sheldon (Big Bang Theory) quotes, "What else would I drink? Gases, solids, ionised plasma?"  Indeed Sheldon, indeed.

Right now I am sitting at the computer with the heating on as the freezing wind howls outside, wrapped up in a blanket, and attempting to ameliorate my yuckiness with some Christmas cheer.

I'm mostly searching for Christmas carols on YouTube, and thinking about our plans of the festive period. I'm a bit of a sucker for choral music, especially at Christmas. This is one of my favourites:

Rejoice! Rejoice! Christ is born!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've just remembered that I forgot to eat my chocolate from my Advent Calendar this morning...

So that was November 2011!

I am on a little bit of a high because last night I succeeded in submitting 50,000+ words of a novel to NaNoWriMo, just in time to win! I am very happy to reach the landmark, and whilst I lived up to my old university habits of doing the majority of the work at the last minute, I am really pleased to discover that I am capable of writing a novel. It's given me the confidence I need to get to work on my other projects, once I've figured out which to do first!

So NaNoWriMo was a continuous theme throughout an incredibly busy month. It's been great for me to be so occupied because it's helped me fight SAD a lot better. Now it's December and the big run-up to Christmas begins - more to keep me occupied!

But before I celebrate the arrival of December fully, I decided to have a look back at some of my favourite events from this very busy November.

A Day of Bangs, Booms and Celebrations - I have already described Bonfire Night in one of my earlier posts. What I didn't mention then was that before all of the festivities began we took both of my brothers out for lunch to celebrate the youngest turning 21, and the other achieving a distinction in his MSc as well as getting a new job as a GIS technician! I am one very proud big sister. Then we had an evening full of fireworks, friends, and food, a brilliant day.

What-ho old chap!

A Wedding - One of my closest friends from university got married on the second weekend of the month. The wedding was beautiful. The couple had chosen a vintage theme so all the guests were dressed in very glamourous 20s-50s attire. The hotel for the reception was grand, and art-deco in style, which fitted the occasion perfectly. In the evening we all played with sparklers outside before hitting the dance floor and whirling each other around like crazy until the early hours. Quite a few of my old friends were there, and as the ceremony was held at my old university church, the day brought back lots of memories.

Calves on one of the farms

A Trip Down Memory Lane - Speaking of memories, on a gorgeous sunny day my husband and I walked from our home across the South Downs Way to one of my old homes. It was about 11 miles of walking through farmland, along old routes that I had hiked through at night as a scout, and then finally down the long country lane that I used to cycle along as a teenager, before hitting suburbia once more. I showed my husband my old house, where I spent most of my childhood, and then we wandered to the tiny shopping centre where we discovered the old greasy spoon cafe was still running strong - so we stopped for much needed, and very cheap, mugs of tea and a chocolate nut sundae. We felt very healthy and relaxed. A great way to spend a Saturday.

That's me with Nemo on my head!

A Fancy Dress Party - Yet more memories were shared on this occasion. My old Classical Society friends from university always host fantastic fancy dress parties. We Classicists are all a little bit mad and have good imaginations, so you can always guarantee some pretty awesome costumes. This party was themed N for November, and we all had to come as something beginning with N. I came as November 5th - the idea was appreciated, but was perhaps a little too abstract! Anyway, we also had Napoleon, a Night Elf, a Neanderthal, a Nerd, Nigella Lawson, and Noel Edmonds amongst other things! My favourite was Nemo - one of my friends made a papier mache Nemo that he wore on his head! It was a brilliant night of catching up on all times and sharing funny stories, as well as taking many photos of Nemo wearing silly hats etc.

In other November news, my husband grew a rather dashing moustache for Movember, to help raise awareness of prostate cancer. The Fairtrade Christmas Campaign at church was launched successfully. And of course, there was NaNoWriMo! I thoroughly enjoyed creating my characters and knitting their adventure together. I'd had a few vague ideas about this story before I began writing, but as I wrote different characters kept wandering into my head, bizarre turns of event would just happen, and the whole thing became a lot more dramatic than originally intended. It has been great fun!

So goodbye November, for the first time in years you were a great month! Hello December!

Have a Fair Christmas

Several years ago I went shopping in Guildford with my mum. We were there very early as my dad had dropped us off on his way to work. Desperate for caffeine we popped into Starbucks as it appeared to be the only place open. I ordered a Fairtrade tea. I was pretty sure that I had bought one from a Starbucks before. Obviously I hadn't because the girl at the till looked thoroughly confused. She made my mum's coffee, looked through the various boxes of tea on the shelf, shrugged and finally went to ask her colleague at the other end of the counter. Her colleague looked up frowning and said, "No, we don't do Fairtrade tea. It's just a brand anyway." Then she looked at me as if to say, "If you don't like it then go somewhere else, you student hippy!" I opted for coffee, because bizarrely they were serving Fairtrade coffee at this time. Coffee makes me ill, but in a bid to be ethical (or more because at this point I was determined to have Fairtrade) I drank it anyway.

What made me most angry was the dismissal of 'Fairtrade' as a brand. The description given by the Fairtrade Foundation explains it very clearly:

Fairtrade is about better prices, decent working conditions, local sustainability, and fair terms of trade for farmers and workers in the developing world. By requiring companies to pay sustainable prices (which must never fall lower than the market price), Fairtrade addresses the injustices of conventional trade, which traditionally discriminates against the poorest, weakest producers. It enables them to improve their position and have more control over their lives. 
(What is Fairtrade? Response by the Fairtrade Foundation).

That, my friends, is more than a brand.

I don't remember exactly when I first heard about Fairtrade but it must have been towards the end of sixth-form college. There used to be a little stall once a month after church that sold Fairtrade products. The most I knew was that you could get chocolate, tea and coffee and some fruit from companies that paid a fair price to farmers, mainly in poorer parts of the world.

Once I started university I began to investigate more and was delighted to discover that there were more Fairtrade products available, notably pretty jewellery. I began to care a great deal about the issues surrounding Fairtrade, so in my third year I helped run a social justice pressure group, resourced by the organisation Speak. Sadly, not many people joined. I began to realise that Fairtrade was a huge passion of mine, but persuading others that it was important was actually very difficult. I remember having a debate with a couple of friends as we walked along London's South Bank. One of them said that Fairtrade didn't make that much difference anyway, and even if it did there weren't that many products available. Fairtrade could never truly pierce the mainstream market and break in. I said they were wrong. Starting small works.

I am pleased to say, and so are my friends, that I was right in the end! In the UK Fairtrade has really made its mark over the past few years. There really is a whole plethora of products available in many industries - food, clothing, toys, furniture, household goods, flowers. Some towns have become 'Fairtrade' towns due to the number of shops that sell Fairtrade products. In my final year of my BA my university had also been awarded Fairtrade status for serving FT drinks in all the cafes (and yes that included tea!), products in the college shop, and using FT cotton to make all the sports teams' kits, as well as using FT rugby and footballs!

It's great that in reality there is no shortage of Fairtrade products available now. However, there is still a long way to go. That's why Fairtrade is the Christmas Campaign for the Social Justice & Advocacy group that I am part of at church. The group launches a new campaign about three times a year on issues that require action. We encourage people to get interested in these worldwide concerns, to sign petitions, to write to their MPs, MEPs, or members of the Cabinet, to spread the word to others, to actively participate in the campaigns, and to pray.
My friend who leads the group has become an official seller for Created, run by the Christian charity Tearfund. This means that in the run-up to Christmas we are hosting a stall at the end of church services, selling their products and taking orders for more, as well as raising awareness of why Fairtrade is important, and particularly for us as Christians.

You people crush those in need and wipe out the poor.

You say to yourselves, “How much longer before the end of the New Moon Festival?

When will the Sabbath be over? Our wheat is ready, and we want to sell it now.

We can't wait to cheat and charge high prices for the grain we sell. We will use dishonest scales and mix dust in the grain.

Those who are needy and poor don't have any money. We will make them our slaves for the price of a pair of sandals.”

Amos 8:4-6 – the passage we are using to underpin our campaign.

It is really important to consider where what we buy comes from and how it is made and by whom. It is so easy to bury our heads in the sand. What we buy directly impacts on the lives of others. There are plenty of other things to consider when we purchase, like the effects on climate change, animal cruelty, supporting local traders etc. These are all important to me too, but my main passion remains Fairtrade.

We are fortunate to live in a town where Fairtrade is already well supported, and where members of our community are already well informed. Nevertheless we know there is more work to be done. It would be easy to become complacent now that there are a wider range of products available. It excited me that we could put so many Fairtrade items on our wedding list that a few years ago wouldn't have been possible. It excites me now that I can buy beautiful gifts that come at a fair price for my friends and family, and lovely clothes for myself. But I know that it is still not enough. Until all things available to us are purchased through a Fairtrade system, then the campaign must continue.

Beating the Bullies

Someone at work the other day called me "useless." For the first time in my life it didn't hurt. Because it's a lie. I am not useless, and she is wrong.

I am one of those people that through my life has attracted that kind of treatment. It's never been on a massive scale. It's usually quite subtle. But over the years it has raked my self-esteem away into nothing. And it's not going to happen anymore.

I've just left a job working in a horrible office of tension, of stress. "Self-esteem? You won't want that here. Only the big guns can have that. You're an admin assistant. You can just be a shell. Because, who needs to be anything really to photocopy, to file, to deliver the post? You are nothing. And we will not encourage you or support you in anything. We do not need to. Because you are nothing." Said to me? No. Implied daily? Yes.

But I am not nothing. I am made in the image of God. God who is Love. Who loves me so much that He sent His one and only Son to die for my sake. That's how much he loves me. Beyond all imagining. And so, I am not nothing. I am His, and He is mine. And bullies, He loves you too. Because of Him, I can forgive you. Because of Him, my self-esteem is returning. Because of Him I know you've fed me lies. I'm sorry I ever believed you. But I am stronger now. I pray that you are stronger too, and that treating others like this does not need to be your crutch any longer. I pray that you are free from the pain you feel that means you have hurt others, through no fault of their own.

This week is Anti-Bullying Week in the UK. Sometimes bullying is so obvious. Sometimes it is not. Look out for those around you. Be there for them. Build them up and encourage them. Because they are not nothing. Help them to report it. Because no one should stand for it. In school or work, it is never OK. People do not deserve to be made to feel less than they what they are.

Useless? Nothing? Lies.

I am His and He is mine.

Bonfire Night - It's What We Do Best

I live in the town that has the biggest Bonfire Night celebrations in the world (considering it is a UK-wide celebration, I guess that's not really difficult...)

Bonfire Night is THE event of the year in Lewes. It's an important event for a great percentage of the rest of Sussex too (particularly the best eastern half). Numerous towns and villages put on their own Bonfire Nights throughout October and November. I talked about this a couple of years ago in this post: Bonfires, Bollards, Bankers and Bangers!

With Lewes being the heart of Bonfire, rarely an evening goes past in these two months without a few loud bangs heard here and there. Bangers, or rookies as they are fondly known, are let off sporadically, usually outside the town's pubs. It's like any noise you get used to; late autumn wouldn't be the same in Lewes without these occasional distant booms (sometimes accompanied by raucous laughter if you happen to be near where they are let off).

Anyway, to the event itself. It's a crazy evening and it's a lot of fun. It's a celebration for the town, in particular for the Bonfire Societies themselves, of which there are six. Visitors are welcome although generally discouraged due to high volumes of crowds - this year the crowds exceeded 60,000. However, the celebrations would go on with or without the visitors or even the bystanding townsfolk (such as myself).

However, I feel that when you live here there's really no avoiding it. I'm not the biggest fan of loud noises, but I am a big fan of sparkling prettiness. And at the end of the day, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. To be honest, I always have a good time, even though I don't like the rookies.

We usually have a few friends round to our house for food and drink, and then depending on our mood will head out to watch the processions, and then watch the fireworks back at home.

This year my husband set about making quite a spread. He baked cheesy Bonfire bread and also cooked up sausages, baked potatoes, and beans that were spiced up with tabasco and JD! Together we made an extremely calorific chocolate pudding to be served with marshmallows and cream, post fireworks. We were also very pleased to serve both our home-brewed beer and pear cider, which everyone really enjoyed - yes we enjoyed brewing the perry so much that we tried our hand at beer, and it's turned out rather well. You can read about all this and other tasty adventures on hubby's new food blog *proud wife beams accordingly*

We had a number of small processions go past our house. One of my friends, who is a professional photographer, was constantly dashing in and out to attempt to get some good photos. He must have taken hundreds, although he believes he only got one or two good ones. The processions are indeed quite difficult to capture well on camera, due to movement and the effect of the flaming torches against the dark of the night, but if you do manage to get a good shot, then boy will it be a good shot!

A group of us went up to the top of the High Street to watch the United Procession, which is the best of all. It goes right through the centre of town, with five of the six Societies taking part. Each has a number of other town and village Societies accompanying them, as well as local bands or from further afield, such as an awesome band from one of our twin towns, Waldshut in Germany. During this procession the Bonfire Societies will pull their tableaux through. These are usually related to current affairs. This year we saw South Street pulling through Harry Potter standing in front of Hogwarts with Voldemort creeping up behind him, Commercial Square present David Cameron putting Britain through the wringer, Borough dragging along a Brighton & Hove Albion Football Club seagull relaxing on top of the team's new Amex Stadium, Southover yanking the 'Pig' Society whilst continuously lighting sodium flares (which are bright pink and blinding!), and Waterloo brought us Rebekah Brooks riding on top of Rupert Murdoch as a dinosaur. These are all spectacular works of art that are later blown to smithereens in the most awesome of firework displays.

A few of our friends went off to one of the fire sites, but the rest of us went home to watch two of the fantastic displays from the top room of our house. We had a perfect view and sat there, sipping tea (or home brew), "oohing" and "aahing" at all the appropriate places. The fireworks seem to just get better every year. It is a privilege to have them on our doorstep (although please not literally on our doorstep, thanks!)

Once everyone was back at ours we consumed the chocolate pudding and chatted into the small hours as rookies continued to boom and the Waldshut band serenaded us with some seriously rocking tunes in the distance...

As always we had a great evening. I always feel trepidation at the impending approach of Bonfire Night. I'm often excited but also a little anxious. This is because there are a few morons, who are nothing to do with the official event, who throw fireworks in the crowd and behave like idiots. They are the people that bother me. Thankfully, they are few and far between. The evening is always great fun, it brightens up November, and it's a big part of our culture in this part of Sussex. If we ever move away, I know I shall miss it very much...yes, probably even the occasional exploding of bangers throughout October and November...

Photos my own.

November

"November is the most disagreeable month in the whole year," said Margaret, standing at the window one dull afternoon, looking out at the frostbitten garden.

"That's the reason I was born it," observed Jo pensively, quite unconscious of the blot on her nose.

"If something very pleasant should happen now, we should think it a delightful month," said Beth, who took a hopeful view of everything, even November.

(Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, Chapter 15)

Meg and Beth, I agree with you both.

November is both disagreeable and delightful.

The weather is usually fairly grim - cold winds, heavy rain, grey skies, maybe snow... The clocks have changed and the evenings are darker than ever. It is cold in the house. I feel ready to hibernate until March.

My youngest brother has turned 21 today. It's Bonfire Night this weekend. There's a wedding of good friends next weekend. There's a Fair Trade campaign to launch at church in time for Christmas. There's NaNoWriMo. There's even a fancy dress party inspired by this very month - 'N' for November - which will be a reunion with many of my old Classics chums.

November is both disagreeable and delightful. As are you Jo March, my favourite character of all.

The Scourge of the Seaside

...or are they?

I'm not the biggest fan of seagulls (or herring gulls as they should really be called). However, I had to laugh when I read this article. Mainly because it is the funniest I have ever read on BBC Sussex (yes, really), and  because it has taken up a prominent spot on the Politics page, but also because, love them or hate them, the major explosion of the seagull population and the their growing presence inland is our fault.

Seagulls like to scavenge. We've made that rather easy. Takeaways in particular have numerous bulging bin bags outside that it could be ripped open with a fingernail, let alone the sharp beak of a hungry gull. They will also go for bin bags left out over night for the rubbish collection the following morning, just as foxes and cats do. Rats also like to try their luck at such exciting mounds of rotting food, especially when they have been left out too long. The first issue then is to consider putting rubbish in a sealed bin that the birds, or any other animal, can't get to.

The suggestions in the article, from 'esteemed' MPs no less, are ridiculous. Contraception for seagulls? Seriously?! I also cannot condone stealing their eggs and replacing them with fakes, or letting off fireworks at landfill sites (fireworks have never kept them out of Sussex, and we're the county who should know!)

Now, I've seen seagulls behave in the most menacing of ways. Once on a family holiday in Dorset I saw a small boy walking along Lyme Regis seafront being harassed by a gull for a bag of chips. The poor boy was quite upset by the whole incident and I did feel sorry for him. Until that point in our holiday we had jealously noted how the gulls in Dorset seemed to be a lot more placid than the ones in Sussex.

Indeed, Sussex has witnessed a few particular nasty incidents. One was during the school holidays several years ago when children were feeding ducklings at a park. Some gulls spotted the bread and swooped down to see what they could scrounge. However, they spotted the ducklings and decided they were tastier. Obviously, again, this was somewhat distressing for the children.

Another incident happened to the mother of one of my dad's old work colleagues, who had seagulls nesting on her roof. They become particularly ferocious when they are protecting their young. When she left the house one morning one of the parents flew down and attacked her, ramming it's beak into her head. As she was quite frail she fell to the ground with shock, and had quite a nasty bruise. It was obviously a very unpleasant and scary experience for her.

I also have friends who have had their sandwiches stolen out of their very hands by seagulls, which I promise I didn't find funny...

The first thing to note is that seagulls are not the only birds who will eat other smaller birds that are vulnerable. Crows have also been known to do the same, and yet they have a lot less hate than gulls, even though they can be just as irritating. Further to that, as much as we joke about, seagulls are not really "evil", and therefore don't eat ducklings with the intent of upsetting small children.

As for the nesting on roofs, it is possible to put up protective netting to prevent this from happening. I think elderly people in particular should receive some kind of help from their local authority to be able to do this, although I'm not sure if that's currently the case.

Pigeons, also, will gather around anyone eating a sandwich in the hope of catching a crumb or several. In fact, in Brighton's shopping centre, Churchill Square, the pigeons are more annoying than the seagulls. Only Trafalgar Square in London has a bigger problem with these 'rats with wings.'

The other hilarious statement in the article is that seagulls are driving down property prices in some areas. I seriously doubt that. I think the economy has more to do with that, but I digress... Indeed, Brighton's property prices are on a par with London's i.e. they are eye-wateringly expensive.

In any case, Brighton, and indeed any seaside town, would be a rather strange place without the presence of seagulls. I would feel bereft if I did not hear that familiar squawking on a trip to the seaside.

We live slightly inland but on a river, with an old landfill site and a dump both nearby. The seagulls visit here regularly. They can be immensely irritating. In my old job, at about 3:30pm, it must have been one of their meal times because a massive group of them would swirl around the office making an unbelievable racket. At this point I would always be attempting to concentrate on something complicated, like geo-referencing an archaeological site, or trying to organise an impossible meeting, so the noise would drive me crazy!

Even though I feel something close to vitriol towards seagulls, deep down I have to admit that they have mostly brought me joy. What? Yes, really. Really? Yes, I'm afraid so. I don't want it to be true, but it is!

It's simple things, such as amusing memories like this one: One morning on honeymoon we had breakfast in Bath, sitting outside by the River Avon. I'm a rather slow eater, and a seagull sat on a fence post nearby, watching me eat. You could tell it was trying to choose what it would eat first. The hash brown maybe, but then those mushrooms did look acceptable, and if there's any of that sausage left... As I took the last bite the seagull looked at me with quiet rage. It then turned its head away with disgust, took a bow, and flew away to fight a pigeon over a measly morsel of mouldy bread. This may not be that entertaining story to many people, but to my husband and I it is one of many happy memories that makes us laugh from our honeymoon.

At our flat we opened the curtains every morning to see the sun rising over the town's rooftops. A number of seagulls would be dotted at various vantage points - aerials, street lamps - looking out over town with authority. I hate to say this, I really do, but they're actually quite beautiful, and I have come to accept that they are an essential part of the southern Sussex towns.

I don't exactly agree with their protected status in this country, although if they didn't have it I'm sure a great many people would attack them with glee, but I don't think that culling them is the answer. I really believe we have to look to ourselves first to provide solutions. Clearing up our rubbish is a good start. The added bonus of that is cleaner streets and less rats. That can't be a bad thing.

Also, guarding your lunch is never a bad idea either. My husband works near the sea and his lab's tea room faces out onto a flat roof where one or two seagulls like to hang out, picking on pigeons etc. One summer's day the window was left wide open. One of my husband's colleagues was happily eating a sausage roll when he was called over to check on something. At that moment, seizing his chance, one of the seagulls dashed inside, grabbed the sausage roll and flew off. Not only did this story have us in fits of giggles, but it was also a good reminder never to leave your food unattended!

As for getting the government involved with the 'Seagull Crisis' (you know that's what it will be called, just you wait!) I have to agree with one of the comments (no.32) left on the article, that the MPs should be focusing on "human anti-social behaviour rather than seagulls." Hear hear! Now, get back to work Parliament!

Yeah!

Photos courtesy of Google Images

For the Love of Owls

Owl at London Zoo, March 2009

Owls seem to be very fashionable at the moment. Mostly in unnaturally bright colours in the form of cushions and cute accessories. As I know very little about fashion trends, does anyone know why owls are currently so popular?

It's strange because both my husband and I have found ourselves inadvertently "fashionable" as a result of this. This never happens, never! We both love owls you see. We seem to have adopted this love in our childhoods from our grandmothers' love of owls and all the owl themed items they had dotted round their houses. I inherited a couple such items from my grandma. One is a cloth magazine rack with a very handsome owl printed on the side. The other is a little pendant of a wooden carved owl, that I recently began wearing again just before the present trend hit the high streets.

When my husband and I moved into a house share nearly five years ago, I noticed that he had a soft, and very very loved, small stuffed owl sitting on his desk. I had exactly the same toy owl. I sneakily placed mine beside his to see if he noticed, which he did. From that day on Ol and Fluff were inseparable. In hindsight (this was before we were together) perhaps I should have realised that a) matching stuffed owls was a sign we were made for each other, and b) putting mine together with his probably gave out all kinds of messages I hadn't intended to give, because it was several months after this incident that I actually realised my feelings for him.

Anywhoo - towhit - towhoo - it seems that our love of owls is now shared by many others. Just this weekend I tried on an incredibly cool owl print dress in one of my favourite shops - alas! it was too small. A friend of mine has very funky owl print shoes, and also one of those gorgeous owl cushions sitting on her sofa.

We, at the moment, have Ol and Fluff watching over the study together with pride, the owl magazine rack in the living room, and a large newspaper cut-out of Hedwig on our fridge door. So, we're not exactly leading in the trendy home accessory stakes, but we are bemused by owl-themed items springing up everywhere. Even our favourite kitchen shop is now selling a whole range of owl print crockery. What is going on!?

My parents live in a peaceful village. A main road runs through it and during the day the distant hum of traffic is ever present, but at night all is quiet but for the gentle hooting of owls out hunting. I used to love falling asleep to that sound. I've always admired owls in nature. In Art at school, which I usually wasn't very good at, we had to make bird collages and an owl seemed the obvious choice for me. I was quietly beaming with pride when I'd completed my preliminary drawing and my teacher declared, "Ooh, he looks very fierce. I wouldn't want to encounter him in the dark of night."

But natural representations of owls aside, I've found myself falling for them in their cute and cartoon like form as well, which is where the current fashion seems to lie. I want one of those owl cushions, and yes that owl print dress, and hey, why not throw in the owl crockery too? But that would be ridiculous, because we don't need another cushion, I don't need another dress, and our current crockery is just fine as it is.

Other animals given high esteem in this household are bears (especially of the polar variety), penguins, pigs (especially of the wild boar variety), and alpacas. It might be a bit too much to have themed everything for each of these too. For now our penguin bookstands, pig trivet, and various stuffed animals are all fine just as they are. Little touches are what works for us, so we will need to ignore this current owl trend as best we can (although I won't complain if I do get a cute owl accessory of some kind in my stocking this year!)

I will leave you with a few images of my favourite owls:

Archimedes, the "highly educated owl", from Sword in the Stone

Whilst not my favourite Winnie the Pooh character Owl is still pretty cool

Plop (the little one) from The Owl Who Was Afraid of the Dark, one of my favourite books when I was little.

Photo my own. Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

Commuting Characters

I have just returned to the joyful world of commuting with my new office job. I have to catch the bus, which I haven't had to do since sixth-form. It's ok actually, it takes quite a pleasant route, and I even get to see alpacas on a farm on the way, so I'm happy :)

The bus seems to be lacking, however, in the somewhat distinctive characters I used to encounter daily on the train to London when I had to commute for my first job. Both my husband and I used to work in the Big Smoke and would travel up together. This started before we became a couple and is partly responsible for my falling in love with him, even though I didn't know it at the time. Anyway, there were a bunch of interesting characters we saw daily and as good friends often do we developed a wide range of nicknames for these people.

Before I explain a bit about each of these characters, I must make you aware that there is nothing original or clever about the nicknames. They are simple and effectively describe the characters without being imaginative in  any way at all.

So, ladies and gentleman, we shall start with the lady we saw every day on our way to the station:

Steam Roller Woman - she would march past us, eyes straight ahead, arms swinging side to side, ready to flatten down anyone who stood in her path. She was a force to be reckoned with, scarier than those cyclists who sped up behind us without the decency to alert us of the presence by ringing their bell. She huffed and puffed like a steam roller too.

Having successfully made it to the station without being squished by Steam Roller Woman or any iniquitous cyclists, we would encounter more characters:

Weird Kid - there was nothing weird really about this boy, just that he was a school kid who looked very out of place with all the suits and briefcases. Our train was a bit early for the school run, so he obviously had to travel quite a way. He was also scared of us. We would smile at him as he looked shy, in the hope of reassuring him that not all commuters were miserable meanies, but I think we just freaked the poor boy out and if we came near him he would run to the next carriage along and bury his face in the sports pages of The Metro.

The Slacker - this guy, without fail, would always miss the train. The doors close 30 seconds before the train leaves, goodness knows why. As you heard the familiar bleep signalling that the doors were locking you would see The Slacker appear on Platform 1, unshaven, tousled hair, still half asleep... He would look with dismay at the train and then run up the stairs. Moments later you saw him appear on Platform 2, look again at the train with dismay, and then he would watch as it pulled out, achingly slowly in the direction of the city. The first couple of times I felt sorry for him - it's about another half an hour until the next train up that way, so who knew how late he would be for his job, whatever it was? But after a while I could not believe how this guy still didn't know what time the train left. He would always look so shocked that he was missing it yet again. But it left at the same time every day, WITHOUT FAIL. *sigh*

Mr Snob - Mr Snob would sit with a group of fellow small town elites and talk in a rather loud and extremely plummy voice about all the rights and wrongs of the world. Sometimes he sounded well-educated and informed, and indeed quite interesting. Other times he was very much the 'balding Tory, Home Counties, upper-middle-class twit' Bridget Jones describes in The Edge of Reason (although being from our neck of the woods he was probably Labour), and one wished one could block his BBC English out. For some reason he took deep offence to the term Human Resources. "What on earth does that mean? It is and always will be Personnel. I utterly refuse to call them anything but Personnel, and always correct anyone that has the audacity to call them Human Resources." That is (as far as I remember it) a verbatim quote. He also disappointed me that we never heard him say things like "By gum!" and "Cheerio, old chap!" He had that kind of voice, he should have used it with greater effect...

Starey Woman - she always, always looked at my husband for the majority of the train journey if we sat near her. Before we were together I found this very amusing, but eventually it became highly irritating. We did wonder if she had glass eyes and she couldn't help it. But no, she did blink and indeed occasionally looked elsewhere. One day my husband stared her out, and won, haha!

Bomb Bag Couple - one day we got on the train, and found a bag left under our seat. We scratched our heads and pondered out loud (and very loudly at that) whose bag it could be. A couple sat across from us, engrossed in His & Hers politics books or something equally random, and they did not bat an eyelid. Neither did the man sitting opposite them. So, we did the right thing. My husband disappeared down the train to find the guard. It wasn't so much that we thought there was a bomb in the bag, it was more that perhaps someone who had alighted at our station had left it behind accidentally. My husband returned with two guards, one on the radio, the other grabbing the bag and unzipping it. Suddenly the couple put down their books and the man yelled, "Hey! That's my bag!" They glared at us angrily, and he swiped it out of the guard's hands. We apologised and pointed out that it was left unattended.
There are specific announcements that happen at trains stations in this country every 30 seconds or so, "Please do not leave baggage unattended anywhere on the station platform or on the train. It will be removed and maybe even destroyed." And, "If you suspect it report it." (As an aside here, once at Clapham Junction the announcer said, "If you have reason to suspect anything suspicious..." I seemed to be the only person on the platform at that time who laughed out loud, oh dear I am that sad.) Anyway, we were slightly embarassed by this incident, but we hoped they'd learnt their lesson. Incidentally, whenever we sat near them in future, their bags were always under their feet or in the luggage racks where they sat, rather than under an empty seat across the way. Nevertheless we would from then on know them as Bomb Bag Couple.

The Trolley of Extortion - special mention must go to the 'buffet cart' that is wheeled through the train, serving light refreshments i.e. excessively over-priced cardboard tasting tea & coffee, grey sandwiches, and gold plated Kit Kats. Our favourite operator of the Trolley of Extortion was Mr Efficiency. On the way home he would run through the train, the trolley travelling at about 60mph, so that he had covered the whole length before Clapham Junction, which is about five minutes away from London Victoria. He would then spend the rest of the journey standing near the driver end, not doing anything. We don't know if he ever sold anything, or if he simply scattered confectionary and mini bottles of beer at commuters with the hope of having the exact amount of change thrown back it him, landing conveniently in the small rattly till. We will never know, for he just moved too fast to be able to really see anything other than a blur.

The journeys home were generally less entertaining after Mr Efficiency had sped through. There was Guardian Man who spent the whole journey elbowing other passengers as he leafed through his daily copy of, you guessed it, The Guardian newspaper. And Fruit & Nut Man who daily indulged in a Cadbury's Fruit & Nut bar, awkwardly attempting not to shower others with bits of peanut and raisin. Indeed, he would attempt to eat, whilst trying to look like he wasn't eating at all. I think this meant he got more weird looks than if he'd just brazenly torn the wrapper off and crunched and swallowed the bar as loudly as possible.

We also made a couple of friends, who we didn't need to christen with nicknames because we learnt their real names. One was a woman who would talk for the entire journey about her children and the grievance she was pursuing against a bully at work. The other would sit with us, listen politely, make the odd comment, and then fall into a deep slumber whence he would snore like Darth Vader breathes. These two individuals would irritate the rest of the carriage. You could just tell. The volume on MP3 players would increase. People would scrunch their eyes tighter in their battle to doze. You could tell that those reading books were having to re-read the same sentence at least 15 times because they couldn't concentrate. As a group we received a lot of glares, smirks, raised eyebrows, and sometimes a nod of agreement (although those people would quickly look out of the window if you caught their eye).

Yes, commuting by train to London was definitely an experience all right. Lots of stories to tell. I don't miss it in the sense that it wears you out, and there are too many occasions where you don't get a seat or the trains are delayed for some reason or another. But yes, I do miss the different characters we met. And I am waiting for interesting ones to develop on the bus. There must be some, right?

The Winter Blues Are Here

Apathy. Fatigue. Sluggishness. Lack of motivation. Extreme melancholy. Yep, the 'winter blues' are here. They have creeped in silently, as they always do. Even though as summer turns to autumn I know this depression is on its way, it always hits me by surprise. When my sadness begins, I always try to figure out what is bothering me so much before I finally accept that the lack of sunshine is taking its annual toll.

Frozen flooded meadow near my auntie's in Oxfordshire last year  - sometimes I feel like this

I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD. Never has an acronym been more true as its own word. I am very aware that I am not alone in this, and I do not suffer from it as badly as some people do, I know.

Nevertheless, it casts its shadow over the days between October and March. Getting out of bed is a daily battle. I've never been a morning person anyway, but it's much harder in the winter. The darkness of the mornings doesn't help, nor does the cold. A lot of people feel like that I'm sure. The problem is that the depression lingers through the day. Most normal tasks feel much harder, and the longing for bed is constantly there.

I first discovered I had suffered from SAD when I was at university. It was completely self-diagnosed, and my parents didn't believe that I could say that I had a problem without going to the doctor and getting an official diagnosis. I've had enough negative experience with doctors over things that are straightforward to treat, so I will not waste my time going to see one when I have enough nous to realise that I do suffer from the winter blues. Looking back I know I suffered with SAD from as early as the age of fifteen. At the time, I thought I was depressed because the boy I fancied rejected me. It didn't help, I'm sure, but I felt so incredibly low during that time and saddened in many ways that there had to be more to it than just some boy breaking my heart.

Therefore, it is up to me to do what I can to cope with this. I've always thought hibernation made good sense, but alas it is not very practical for us human beings. So, how do I cope?

The main thing I always do is to continue doing all the things I do normally, and to ensure that I go to social events. It is a struggle to stay motivated, but the end point is that I get out, see other people, and hey, I even manage to enjoy myself! It stops me from staying in and wallowing. This weekend I went to a friend's hen party in London. Right up to the point where I needed to catch the train I didn't want to go. But I made myself. My reasons were that I love my friend and wanted to celebrate with her, I would get to see a few friends from university who I hadn't seen for ages, the bridesmaids had planned an itinerary that sounded great and I knew deep down that it would be a lot of fun, and also I had bought an outfit specially. I had to keep reminding myself of this as I battled the negative thoughts in my brain – that I was too tired, that the whole day would exhaust me further, that I didn't feel like being happy, that I didn't want to spend all that money, that it would be a nightmare getting home because I would need to get a rail replacement bus part of the way – all the things that are just an annoyance normally appear to be mountains when I've got SAD - did I really want to force myself to go to this event?

Well, I did go, and I had a fantastic time. I really enjoyed myself, and more importantly my friend had an awesome time.

On Fridays I do youth work at my church, and throughout last winter I never wanted to go. Obviously, I've made a commitment to be there, so it that made it easier to decide to go in the first place. The bigger problem was with motivating myself to be happy, to be someone who the kids could talk to and have a laugh with, and to be in a position to let them unload their own problems onto me. Thankfully, God is so good, and He always gave me the strength to be there for the kids, whether it was just chatting about how much we love My Neighbour Totoro, or letting them cry on my shoulder over something hurting them, or answering some of their deep questions about God and Christianity. And I would come away every Friday evening filled with joy because these young people are wonderful, and their energy is infectious.

Totoro always makes me happy

Going out, for an ad-hoc social event or for a regular voluntary job, is very hard for me when SAD has hit me with full force, but it is always worth it, and in some way medicates me.

There are a couple of other things:

SAD Lamp or Lightbox – my husband bought me one of these as an early Christmas present a couple of years ago. The sun makes a massive difference to my sense of wellbeing throughout the year. That's why I actually find grey and dismal days in the summer so hard to handle as well. In winter the sun's rays are less powerful, and you're also much more likely to not be outside when the sun is shining, due to travelling to and from work in the dark. Having said that, I do try and spend some time outside during the winter when it is sunny. Nevertheless, I need a bit of help. So, my lightbox mimics the sun's rays in summer. You only need to spend between 30 minutes and an hour in front of it a day. I usually use mine for about 45 minutes whilst I read or do a Bible study in the morning. When I first used this I wasn't sure if it was actually helping, but it does make a difference. Waking up is still horrible, but after using the lightbox I found myself more alert in the mornings, and better able to face the day than I had been before. It's not a miracle, but it certainly helps.

God – praying and bringing my woes to God always makes a difference. He always gives me the strength when I feel unable to do even the most basic things because of this depression.

Not being too hard on myself – sometimes I just give in and let the blues overtake me. Sometimes I channel this into writing. Other times I just wrap up in a blanket, make a hot drink, and watch a film. This will often be something light and funny, but occasionally I will indulge in a sad film and let myself cry and wallow and just be sad. This is part of who I am, and every now and then I allow myself to be absorbed, to face it head on, let it do its work, and then pick myself up and carry on with life.

This year, I the blues have crept up on me slightly earlier than usual, and at a time when I am feeling happier than I have in ages. Thankfully, now they are here I know what I need to do. This autumn and winter are full of exciting plans, and I intend to enjoy myself as much as I can.


Photo my own. Picture courtesy of Google Images.