The Tales That Timeline Tells

I recently changed my Facebook page to the new Timeline style because rumours were circulating that it would eventually be enforced upon all users and I wanted to get to grips with my privacy settings etc before that happened. As with all of Facebook's past changes, I've quickly got used to the new layout and resent it far less now then when I first saw it.

Anyway, this afternoon I was procrastinating, and I ended up trawling back through the past few years, casting my eye over my status updates of yore and revisiting a few old wall posts etc. I had a good laugh as many happy memories resurfaced, particularly of university days. My favourites were messages between my friends and I when we were on the verge of insanity due to massive workloads and impending deadlines, as well as bizarre references to Julius Caesar, Alexander the Great, and other Classical figures who we blamed personally for our work related madness!

Looking back has given me a little snapshot into how much I've changed, not only since I first joined Facebook in 2006, but also since I left the council. For example, a number of my past statuses show just how desperately unhappy I was in my old job, and with my daily commute to London for my job before that. They also demonstrated just how unwell I had been. I have an archive's worth of status updates about feeling ill. I usually get at least one bad cold annually but according to my status updates, when I was in my old jobs I was unwell over and over again. My sickness record for work is fairly average, so each time I claimed to be 'ill' on Facebook I wasn't necessarily missing work and hiding under the duvet. I think there was a direct correlation between my unhappiness and how I was feeling physically, whether or not I was actually 'sick'.

So, even though I knew I had been struggling for a long time in my old job, the sheer volume of negative status updates relating to it did shock me a little. But on further reflection, I really was that miserable. It's just that now I have been moving past it, and a lot of the nasty feelings I associate with the old place are beginning to fade.

Thankfully I'm not too much like Eeyore, and all of the miserable or angry updates are counterbalanced by many happy or excited updates and other jolly material. And so this random record of my feelings at over the past few years has made me very reflective this afternoon.

I remember all too well how much I struggled with difficult housemates and a heavy workload during my MA. I remember how tired the London commute made me. I remember how bored I was in my previous two jobs. I remember how some mornings I did not believe it would be possible to leave the house and go to the office because I was so unhappy. I remember how many problems we had with our old flat.

I remember how stressed I was planning our wedding, but also how much fun it was. I remember the stress of my degrees, but also how fascinating I found the research and how I never really wanted my studies to end.

I remember how amazing my trips abroad have been. I remember how fantastic Muse were the three times I went to see them perform live. I remember all the silly jokes my friends and I shared that only we understood. I remember how beautiful all the weddings were that I have been to. I remember how much I missed my brothers when they were away at university and how I loved being home for the holidays.

Good or bad, I don't need Facebook to help me remember any of these things. But, like finding the diaries I wrote when I was younger, I think a little reread, a deliberate revisit to the thoughts and feelings of the time, does good for the soul. And today it has conjured up a whole wealth of different emotions in my heart.

I look back on those bad times, remembering every ounce of misery, and know that I have moved on and that I have emerged a stronger person.

I look back on those good times, remembering every ounce of joy, and smile with fondness and am thankful that I had those experiences.

My Facebook statuses and old wall posts remind me of the conversations I have with old friends when we are feeling nostalgic. We reminisce, we, laugh, we congratulate or encourage each other on coming through the other side of whatever life has thrown at us. We bring back lots of memories, the good, the bad, and the hilarious. Although looking through the old Facebook stuff isn't the same as chatting with a friend, this afternoon has had a similar effect.

I sit here, in my desk chair, the sun beginning to set, and I feel content. All too often I dwell on the past and think about how I wish things had been different a lot of the time. But this half-hour of procrastination on Facebook has once again reminded me that I've had some pretty fantastic times in the past six years, and that although I've been through a lot emotionally I am a stronger person because of it. I needed that reminder today, and so I am grateful that Timeline gave me that little look back.