Seeing Thankfulness: Week Two

A Million Little Somethings

This post is a little bit late as I have had a manic past few days. So, here is what I intended to post on Friday:

This week I am thankful for...

...my husband. Here he is pictured just at the start of the Seaford Half Marathon last Saturday. The race is predominantly off-road, starting on Seaford Seafront, on over the South Downs, along the River Cuckmere, and up and then down Seaford Head back onto the seafront. He did really well. I admire his determination to succeed in all that he does, which is why I wanted to include this photo of him running. He has the same passion and drive for all his interests - running, photography, youth work, cooking, stand-up comedy, subterranean exploration, and most especially science. He inspires me to strive for better in the things that I love.

It was also his birthday this week, and I was reminded again how thankful I am that he is such a big part of my life, that he loves me so much, that I can be myself around him 100% of the time, that I can share everything with him, and that he is an awesome cook. I am thankful that he is my best friend and confidante. And I am also thankful for his amazing hugs.

...Victorian innovation and technology...I guess... I mean, I'm not ungrateful for it. We went to the Bluebell Railway, our local steam railway - most regions in Britain have one or two - for my husband's birthday, and I don't really know how else to be thankful for stream trains, but they look pretty cool and they're fun to go for a ride on. So, yeah, here's a picture of a steam train chugging  into Horsted Keynes Station on the Bluebell Railway!

...that my parents never made us put Oxo cubes in our milk, bleurgh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...that the violas we planted in May have flowered beautifully. They're like happy, smiley faces and have sprung up cheerily all over the flowerbed.

...roses. This is the rose tree in our garden that has flowered beautifully, as it does every June. I absolutely love roses!

...that I live in an historical town. It really is a great place, with old houses and flint walls everywhere. The castle sits proudly in the middle, and is a constant reminder of days gone past when blood was shed in great Medieval battles, when the majestic priory was destroyed during Henry VIII's Dissolution of the Monasteries, and when Protestant martyrs were burnt at the stake during Mary I's reign, as well as numerous other feats of history. Whatever may annoy about my town, I am thankful for the fascinating history that whispers from its walls and roads each day.

...water. This is the ruins of a water fight night that we held at the youth group. I am thankful that water is so abundant in this country that we have plenty to play with, let alone to drink, wash and cook with. I want to always be thankful for the provision we have so that I may keep campaigning for those who don't.

Well it's been quite a week. I have had so much more to be thankful for that I haven't been able to take pictures of, but I do love that this project has helped me to be more intentional in my thankfulness, which was Kayleigh's aim with this link-up.

Photos my own.

The House Inspection

We've just had our 'house inspection' by our landlady. It's been bothering me for a few weeks now. Our rented cottage is Victorian so complete with draughty sash windows, damp inviting old brick, and creaky floorboards. All these charms lose their romance when it's challenge to keep things clean. Add to that all the stuff we own and our general untidiness and you can see why house inspections cause me to break out in a cold sweat.

Thankfully we passed, although we'll be receiving a few recommendations by e-mail. Now I can relax a bit more. The whole thing has given me cause to remember the time when my brothers and I used to play 'house inspections', the memory of which always makes me laugh.

When we were children we used to construct houses for our figurines. We'd use books, Sylvanian Family toys, Duplo, Lego, and even bits of real furniture. We would then use our imaginations for the rest.

Once our figurine families were neatly settled in their homes we'd come up with various adventures for them. One event that nearly always took place was the 'house inspection.'

"Look at the state of these walls!"

An evil house inspector, usually played by the Sheriff of Nottingham, Jafar or Emperor Palpatine would knock on the door, rudely barge into the house with no invitation, and proceed to criticise anything and everything about the house from the layout of one room to the size of another, to the choice of furnishings in the living room (usually Sylvanian floral) to the colour of the units in the kitchen (usually Duplo blue)

"You call this a house?"

Eventually this iniquitous villain would turn to insulting the home owner and their family. The end result would involve the offended characters chasing the inspector from their home in a humorous fashion. More than once this would involve one of the Puppy in my Pocket dogs biting his bottom to more bizarre retaliations such as when one of the inspectors walked in on John Smith from Pocahontus in the bath. John proceeded to drive the bath, which had suddenly developed wheels for the occasion, after the inspector forcing him down the Duplo stairs, out of the house and down the carpeted street to the distant land of the laundry basket. Ah the imaginations of our childhood...

"Your face is a disgrace!"

Who these tiny plastic house inspectors worked for and what rights of enforcement they had we will never know, although they did manage a couple of successful evictions which would lead our main characters to another exciting adventure.

Needless to say my view of house inspections has been tainted by these childhood experiences, causing me unnecessary anxiety. It is a relief to open the door to a kind landlady who just wants to check we're not digging up trenches in the kitchen, and who I don't have to chase down the streets, with or without the aid of my magically wheeled bath.



Sheriff of Nottingham - http://www.totalfilm.com/features/9-villains-who-stole-the-movie
Jafar - http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/jafar/images/14792933/title/jafar-photo
Emperor Palpatine - http://lucasfilm.wikia.com/wiki/Emperor_Palpatine

Seeing Thankfulness: Week One

A Million Little Somethings

This week I am thankful for...

...summer evenings. I love that it is lighter for longer, and I welcome the coolness at the end of a hot day.

...lunch breaks in the park in the sunshine, complete with a good book to read.

...blackbirds. I love their tuneful song. We have one that is regularly visiting our garden at the moment, on the hunt for juicy worms. The one in photo isn't the same fella, but this one was serenading us beautifully on our walk yesterday evening.

...for the colour pink and the memories it triggers. It was eight years ago today that my grandma died. She would have loved the dress I wore today, as she always liked seeing me in pink. I am thankful for my grandma. I was her first grandchild and only granddaughter. She introduced me to reading and fairytales which in turn gave me my passion for writing stories. I am thankful that I have those precious memories of sitting beside her, reading book after book on the little wicker chair she had especially for me. I miss her, and today she was particularly in my mind.

...for my imagination. This wooded rockery area in the park near work is always really peaceful. I call it the "Goblin Garden" and can just see the goblins, fairies, and other forest creatures running about their daily business as I wander through it. I am thankful that the same imagination helps me create stories full of crazy characters and their wonderful adventures. I need to be reminded to use it more often, and am thankful for any inspiration that comes my way.

...large cups of tea at work. I find tea comforting and a necessary aide to sitting at a computer all day. It's important, therefore, to have a good sized mug to drink it from. I had a lovely Cath Kidston mug with strawberries on it. Now, pranks and what we know as "gross buffoonery" are the order of the day in my office. Earlier this week one of my colleagues was committing the latter when my mug was caught in the fray and fell to the floor smashing into pieces. I was quite upset because it meant that I would now have to drink out of one of the manky mugs in the kitchen that no one ever claims ownership to. Feeling guilty he bought me another Cath Kidston mug, which I didn't expect him to do, but I certainly appreciated. As you can see it's not the same pattern but it's just as pretty as the previous one, and of course I have forgiven him.

So I am thankful God for the beauty around me, for the summer sunshine, the birdsong, and the long days. I am thankful for memories, for imagination, for silliness, and for tea.

Photos my own.

June

This month I've decided to join Kayleigh's link-up over at A Million Little Somethings - Seeing Thankfulness - for the month of June. I love Kayleigh's blog and really enjoy her writing.

I don't tend to do link-ups as I'm afraid of not keeping up with them, but this one seems achievable and I love the concept. I would be lying if I said that life wasn't a struggle at the moment, because it really is, but I also have so much to be thankful for and I believe that I should mark that in some way, and what better way than with photos?

June is a special month for me. It involves two celebrations with my husband and it is often our holiday month. It is the month of roses, dragonflies, sunshine, blue sky, white fluffy clouds, the longest day of the year, sweet peas, strawberries, pretty dresses, swifts, sweet williams, and green green grass. All of these things make me smile and I am very glad that June is finally here.

A Permanent Ache

Three weeks ago I suffered a miscarriage.

We found out that I was pregnant in mid-March. Although we were a bit scared we were very happy and excited.

Just before Easter I started spotting. I had my first appointment with the midwife that same day, thankfully. She was able to put my mind at ease but as she couldn't 100% rule anything out she referred me for an early scan.

The spotting stopped later that same day, and as I waited for my scan the pregnancy symptoms such as nausea and tiredness began to make themselves known. I allowed my original excitement to return and fervently hoped that all would be well.

I had the scan when I was 7 weeks. We could see a tiny someone, our tiny someone, his heartbeat flickering away. It was an amazing moment.

At 10 weeks I started bleeding. The instant I discovered it I knew that something was wrong. The scan this time confirmed the worst. Our baby had stopped developing shortly after 7 weeks and his heartbeat had stopped.

We were both devastated. Even though we had expected bad news we had still hoped for a miracle.

Writing about it publicly like this is really hard. I don't think I can convey just how much it hurts. I am logical and so in my head I am able to think about the future, about trying again. I know I did nothing wrong, I didn't cause this to happen, but still I want to scream out why?

My heart aches permanently for our loss, yet it continues to beat with a deep love for our little one who is now gone.

I trust God completely even though I can't understand why this has happened and why He wanted our little one so soon. Too soon for me. It is harder than I can describe. Everyone says these things happen for a reason but right now that is no comfort. My head knows that but my heart doesn't care.

My husband has been an absolute rock even though he is grieving too. My family, closest friends, and colleagues have been incredibly supportive. Many have surrounded us with prayer, something I know has given us strength and courage.

I had temporarily abstained from social media and certain social events. Everybody's life goes on but for a while my world stopped. I am back now, and that includes to the world of blogging. I have already been back at work for over a week, I've been doing chores, spending time with loved ones, and still finding joy in spring and the outdoors. A return to 'normality' is in progress, but my grief is still ever present.

Bit by bit, with the help of God and the support of those who love us I know I will get through, that we will both get through. But we will never forget the precious little one who was in our life for such a short time, unseen but already so loved.

The Eastern South Downs: My Home

A couple of years ago a friend of ours came to stay for a weekend. We took him along to a local farm to go cider tasting and as we hit the main road he was completely blown away by the view of the South Downs on either side of us. He just gasped and said, "How can you not be amazed by that?"

It's not that we weren't. I've always thought of that scene as beautiful, but I've known it so well since I was small that it doesn't make me gasp out loud like our friend each time I see it. To me it's just the way the landscape looks around my home. I never thought I took these views for granted, but recently his words have come back to me and I'm making sure that I absolutely take the time to love the beauty around me.

The South Downs has been a designated national park for the past couple of years now and I live in a small town nestled inside it. I grew up in a town just on the outskirts, and the village my parents now live in is only a few miles north of it. The South Downs have always been part of my life.

The park runs from St Catherine's Hill, Winchester, Hampshire in the West to Beachy Head, Eastbourne, East Sussex in the East. Its most southerly point is Eastbourne and its most northerly point is some village in Hampshire if I can trust Google maps. I am least familiar with the West side, knowing West Sussex only a little and not knowing Hampshire at all.

Weald & Downland Museum near Chichester -
of the less familiar, but still beautiful West side!

I do, however, know East Sussex like the back of my hand, and therefore I know this part of the South Downs pretty well.

I spent my childhood walking and cycling on the Downs with my friends, or hiking across them as a scout. I've spent my adulthood walking on them and always admiring the landscape at every opportunity. At my last job I had a spectacular view of the Ouse Valley flanked by Kingston Ridge and Firle Beacon on either side. In my current job I can see a ridge of Downland, beyond which lies Beachy Head.

Looking across to Kingston Ridge

One of my favourite places to go is Cuckmere Haven and Seven Sisters. This area is very popular with tourists but it is also very special to locals. The meanders of the Cuckmere River are well known, and the Seven Sisters cliffs are amongst the most iconic features of Sussex, and apparently they frequently star in films as the White Cliffs of Dover!* From trips here with school to walks with my husband, I don't think I could ever grow tired of this place.

The River Cuckmere meandering towards the sea

Husband paddling in the sea at Cuckmere Haven,
near where the Seven Sisters start

A chalk horse wanders across the Downs near Cuckmere

My entire train journey to work is accompanied by the Downs zooming past, and that is where my friend's words have returned to me most as I gaze out of the window, my thoughts often a million miles away. I've been taking the time to watch the new lambs running about the fields, a sight that always lightens my heart and fills me with joy. I give a little nod of acknowledgement to the Long Man of Wilmington, a chalk figure carved out in the grass centuries ago, standing tall above the A27 and the railway line as if keeping us all in order. On the way home, on the sunnier days, I love to watch the paragliders taking off from Mount Caburn, the bright colours of the wings emphasising the blueness of the sky and the greenness of the grass.

I am thankful for the South Downs. I am thankful to live in such a beautiful part of the country. I do not want to take them for granted. I may not always live in this area and so I want to continue to enjoy them for as long as possible.

Photos my own.

PS. Sorry I don't have a picture of the lambs, the Long Man of Wilmington, or of paragliders. I hope to take some in due course!

* Sourced from Wikipedia, but I've seen pictures of them mistakenly described as the White Cliffs of Dover on many a website too!

Waiting for Spring

Spring is... I want to say round the corner but I guess that it is just about here. It smells like spring, it looks like spring, but it doesn't feel like spring. It is still really cold. It keeps snowing on and off, which has never been impossible for March and April but is generally not heard of. Now the temperature is slowly going up, but very slowly. And this delightful north-eastern wind is keeping things feeling wintry.

At least the sun is shining. That gives me hope.

I'm really sorry I've not been blogging recently. I still have plenty to write about but I have been exhausted and just not had the energy to write in the evenings, or even at the weekend. In fact I'm feeling pretty tired now. However, time has gone on long enough and I am determined to get back into this writing thing. I even worked on my novel yesterday, and I have an article to write up for the church magazine. It is time to wake up because I can't wait for spring forever.

So, I thought I would give a little catch-up of what I've been up to recently, other than just dreaming of sunshine and warmer temperatures!

A Race: My husband ran the Brighton Half Marathon in mid-February, on what turned out to be a gorgeous day to be beside the seaside. The sky was a brilliant blue and the sun beamed down on all the runners. He did really well, beating his personal best, and is now more enthusiastic than ever to carry on with this running malarkey.

Palace Pier, Brighton - I was practising with a fish-eye lens.

A Hen Do: At the beginning of March I went to the hen party of my brother-in-law's fiancee, which was afternoon tea at a posh country hotel on the Ashdown Forest. There were plenty of sandwiches, scones, and cakes, as well as lots of tea. I was incredibly full and I only managed to eat just over half of my share of the goodies. It was a lovely way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

A Wedding: A couple of weeks later it was the wedding day itself. The weather had taken a turn for the worse - gale force winds and freezing rain. Nevertheless, the bride managed to stay unruffled and looking absolutely beautiful for the whole day and everyone had a really great time.

They got married in the church where her parents had married over two decades before, which was a really nice touch. The reception was at a country hotel - a sixteenth century manor situated in lovely grounds. Although some photos of the bride and groom were taken outside, the rest of us chose to stay in the warmth and just admire the view from the windows!

My husband was the best man, and he fulfilled his duties very well, keeping his brother calm in the morning, looking after the rings, and giving the expected amusing speech at the reception.

It was quite a small wedding consisting of family and only a few very close friends, but it was a great day and we all really enjoyed ourselves. I am thrilled to have a 'sister' now, and my husband and I look forward to supporting them both in their marriage.

Some of us stayed at the hotel that night. We had to duck under low beams to find our room at the end of a passageway. It was huge with an en-suite bathroom, and an extra room which had single beds for children in it! The bed was very grand with a tall, wooden headboard adorned with intricate carvings. It was fit for a king's friend, no doubt!

Other than that life has consisted mostly of work, volunteering, and trying to stay warm! We've also celebrated my brother's girlfriend's 21st birthday, gone in search of a mine (yes, it is as random as it sounds), managed a few chilly walks on the Downs, and tried to enjoy playing in the snow on the days when it has settled thickly. Life continues to be busy and full of interesting things, but I will not be sorry to see a heat wave soon.

I hope that this has now marked my return to the blogging world, and for those of you who follow me, thanks for sticking around, I appreciate it! :)