It was my birthday the other day, and I
wrote this for it but didn't get the chance to post on the day.
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| Celebrating this year - wigs in the pub! |
I've
always been one of those people who never really placed much store by
my birthday, at least not since my eleventh when my grandma died the
day before. When that happened my birthday suddenly seemed insignificant and not worth
making too much of a fuss about, something which has correlated with
a downward spiral in esteem issues. When I saw this on Robin's blog
and decided to write my own, I realised that looking back at my
birthdays specifically was a useful tool for marking the past few
years because each time I could see lessons I'd learnt and ways in
which I'd changed and grown as a person.
Ten Years Ago
It was my 19th birthday.
That evening I had a group of friends from college over for a party
in the garden. It was just before we all went off to university or
gap years. I was really happy. Secondary school had been a truly
awful five years, and my two years at sixth form college,
particularly the last year, had shown me that I was capable, that I
was talented, and that I could make real, solid friendships with
people who loved me for me. Of the guest who attended one is now my husband and four remain my closest friends.
Eight Years Ago
It was my 21st
birthday. I was at home from uni for the summer holidays so I
celebrated with my immediate family. It was good for me to spend quality time with
them, as since living away at university my sojourns home were
becoming less and less frequent.
I was
excited about returning to halls for my third year, having had a
rather stressful year living out with friends, and this time having a
room in the main university building, a beautiful Victorian chateau. I was also eager to do get started on my dissertation and do well in
my final year. I was certainly very hopeful for the future.
Five Years Ago
It was my 24th
birthday. It was also my first official date with my husband. We had
been living in the same house for 9 months with two of our best
friends. His feelings hadn't changed since five years previously but
mine had. Slowly, after a growing friendship and a lot of
soul-searching, him becoming a Christian, and me learning to accept
that I could be loved so much by a man, I realised my feelings
towards him had radically changed. The date was exciting but
nerve-wracking for us both. At this moment in time we were keeping
our relationship secret from everyone else, even our housemates. As
we both worked in London we met after work and went to a little
restaurant. He presented me with a single rose and a beautiful
bracelet. When we got home we spun a little story, that we'd both
been out with colleagues and joined each other on the same train
home. I disappeared to my room for a bit and when I came downstairs
and they all surprised me with an amazing birthday cake – a
chocolate cheesecake which my future husband had stayed up late the
night before to make! It was definitely one of my best birthdays ever.
I was very happy, as the past year had been quite difficult with a lot of ups and downs. It had been very emotionally charged as I fought with my changing feelings, along with worries about my future career, and combating loneliness as I got used to all my girlfriends living further away than ever. Thankfully my year of being 24 turned out to be one of the most joyful of my life after that.
Three Years Ago
It was my 26th
birthday. It was my first birthday as a married woman. My husband and
I went to Standen, a National Trust property for the day. The sky was
a gorgeous blue and the leaves on the trees were just starting to
change colour. I think the season was changing for us too. We were happy newly-weds and life was good. We'd just started youth work at church and were becoming even
more actively involved but this birthday also marked the beginning to
a very tough year for us both, particularly for me emotionally as I
was about to endure the worst year of my working life so far.
Two Years Ago
It was my 27th
birthday. And I was barely able to stop myself skipping as the end
was in sight for my last day working for the council after what had
been an extremely difficult and demoralising time. I was starting a
new adventure, where I would be working part-time for one of the
emergency services and then spending two days a week at home to focus
on my writing. I was full of hope and couldn't wait to get started.
We'd also moved to
a better house during the past year where we enjoying looking after the garden. Life was busy and full, just how
we like it.
Last Year
It was my 28th
birthday. I was still working for the same organisation but had just
moved to the main office and been given a full-time role. It was a
hard step to take as it meant I would have to spend less time than I
wanted on my writing, but it was better to do it than have no income
from me.
I had learnt a lot
about myself during my year working part-time, my discipline (or lack
thereof) and how I need to work on that, but it also made me more
sure than ever that writing is my greatest passion and I just need to
go for it, instead of consistently blocking my path with self-esteem
hurdles and other commitments. A tough but good lesson that I am
still learning.
So Far This Year
I am now 29. What
can I say? In many ways I was glad to see the back of being 28. It
has been a true rollercoaster ride of joy and pain. When I miscarried
in May it had a more profound and lasting impact than I had expected
it to, and I am still struggling with it today. I am not without
hope, but I have to acknowledge that grief is really hard. This mixed
in with a number of other issues my husband and I have had to face has made for a very tough year indeed. We have learnt that
God is most definitely our strength in our weakness.
There have also
been some wonderful highlights to the year from big events such as my
brother-in-law's wedding and our anniversary trip to Rome through to
smaller happenings that shine light into the darkness whether that's
a day out with my husband to afternoon tea with my family to meeting
up with old friends to watching the sun set and hearing the swifts
call and knowing that God is in all this and not letting go of me.
So, let's see what
the last year of being in my twenties will bring!
