Broken Toy Syndrome

My youngest brother used to have a wind-up toy Noddy. You wound him up and he scurried across the floor, from one end of the room to another. After some time, this Noddy became a little broken. You would wind him up and he would start walking and then topple over, his feet still scurrying, desperate to reach his destination, but never making it. Why am I telling you this? It is because right now this broken Noddy springs to mind when I try to describe how I'm feeling at the moment, unable to get to my destination but manically attempting to go full pelt ahead anyway.

The last couple of weeks have been very busy. Firstly summer came to the UK for one whole week, so that time was spent enjoying the great outdoors.

Secondly, and perhaps more significantly for me, I've had two job interviews and an end of contract meeting at work. My mind has been working overtime, wanting to control the situation more than I am capable of doing, and my energy has just disappeared as a result.

I didn't get either of the jobs, even though apparently I interviewed really well at both, especially the first one where they said that I was a very close second and that if they'd had two jobs going they would have given the other to me. They've also encouraged me to apply to their organisation again, which was a nice boost to the confidence. I took that rejection well, but the second one, which I received the "thanks but no thanks" call for this morning, left me feeling pretty blue.

This was on top of a reasonable end-of-contract meeting at my current job. Reasonable, in that there are potentially two further job opportunities available with them. I should be excited about this, and I think once I've considered these options in greater depth then I will be, but right now I feel sad that my current contract is definitely coming to an end, and that I will be leaving a great team of people at the beginning of September. Having said that, it would be fantastic to stay in the same organisation, even if it means working at a different office and in a different role. I'm not going to ignore the opportunities that have been presented to me, and I am grateful that I still have a choice about this.

It's just all been a lot to take in over the last few days - the first interview was on Thursday, the second on Monday, and the work meeting was today, so I've had butterflies non-stop over the past week, and my mind has been whizzing round in circles as it works on its usual attempts to control the situation without consulting God in the process. To be fair, I have prayed about this, and others have definitely been praying for me too, but try telling my brain that - it won't listen, it's still convinced it can figure out the best options on its own. I've been like that broken Noddy, trying to hurry to solve the problem right now, but clearly unable to.

It's been difficult for me to focus on stuff that isn't related to jobs, which has had some impact on both my writing and my blogging and my general enjoyment of free time. I think I would like to take some time to stop worrying, and to put some energy back into what I love, to convince my whirring mind to settle down for a bit, to stop leaping all over the place and planning for every single possible outcome to everything that could ever happen even if it may not happen, argh!

I am grateful to my husband for being a strong and calming influence in my worrisome little world, I am grateful to my friends and family who offer encouragement and ample distraction from my concerns, I am grateful to all the bloggers I follow for giving me an excuse to break from my worries to catch up on their exciting tales and ponderings on life, and above all I am grateful to God who is always the same, who wants the best for me, and who picks me up in my broken Noddy moments, fixes me and sets me back on track.

I don't know what eventually became of the broken toy Noddy but I like to think that one day he began to work as normal again and toddled off into the sunset.

Picture from Zedge

Friday's Letters

Today I thought I would link up with Friday's Letters by Adventures of Newlyweds, as there are a few things I felt I needed to get off of my chest!

Dear Weather,
Please hold off the rain until after the youth group's end of year pool party tonight. The kids and leaders in the pool may not mind, but those of us on BBQ duty want to stay dry for a reason!
Also, in general, if you could improve immensely that would be great. We would all like a summer here. If necessary, please redirect this letter to the Jet Stream, because I gather that's who you blame all your problems on.
Yours, Fire Fairy.

Dear Cat Next Door,
Our garden is not a toilet. We've just got it all nice and pretty, and although you're now leaving the flowerbeds alone your attack on the gravel is not appreciated. Please, just go somewhere else.
Thankfully not yours, Fire Fairy.

Dear Economy,
Pick yourself up so I can stop getting job rejections. Thanks.
Yours, Fire Fairy.

Dear Strawberries,
You're very tasty, and we thoroughly enjoyed you for pudding last night. Please grow more of you so that we can use you to make a pavlova of epic proportions. After all, you owe us, seeing how well we've done at protecting you from aphids and slugs.
Mine, Fire Fairy.

Dear Olympic Torch,
Most people here think you're pretty hot. So hot, that next week the town centre roads are being closed off just for you. That makes you rather special I would say. I just have one request - please keep your sojourn here brief because I don't want my bus home from work to be delayed. Thanking you.
Not yours, Fire Fairy.

Dear Science,
My husband is now a Master of you, as ordained by the University of London, so watch out!
Yours just about, Fire Fairy

The Flying Passage of Time

The past few weeks have flown by and I've lost track of time. It's been a while since I have blogged and I am missing it. The main reason I have been a bit quiet is that I have been busy completing job applications and am therefore wishing to spend my remaining spare time away from the computer. My contract for my current role is due to end in September, so I feel it's good to start looking now. I have to admit, I really despise applying for jobs. There's only so many times you can blow your own trumpet before you become sick of reading about how excellent you are. Maintaining enthusiasm amidst multiple rejections isn't that easy either.

I have to admit that I am also feeling pretty tired. I'm so tired that I just typed 'Youtube' into the search box on Youtube itself *sigh*  This has not been helped by the weather of late. I know that people joke about the British summer and it wouldn't be the same without a few wet days, but the recent spate of appalling weather is not funny anymore. This picture sums it up well*:

We're all getting a little more saturated in our time spent outside than our stiff upper lip finds acceptable. Consequently I've been in a bit of a mopey mood, feeling sorry for myself, and wanting to hibernate in the middle of JULY.

But, the truth is, this summer is still good. I've been able to enjoy many things, such as:

Long country walks on those precious days when the sun has come out.

Paddling in the freezing sea whilst getting rosy cheeks in the bright sunshine, at one of the most beautiful spots in Sussex, Cuckmere Haven.

Having a cuddle with the beautiful baby daughter of my parents' god-daughter, when she was just one week old.

Catching up and spending quality time with old and new friends.

Eating delicious meringues made by my husband.

Booking tickets to see the Spice Girls musical Viva Forever in January. I apologise for nothing.

And drinking tea, obviously...

Add to that the bigger things, like the fact that our part of the country hasn't been flooded, and that we're both healthy, and all those important things. Yes, perspective is good.

I verge towards the pessimistic side of life, and struggle with rejection, grey skies, and boredom. I go through phases where I feel I have nothing to give and that's how I feel right now. But I know that it won't last. I have a loving Father who guides me, who never leaves me, and knows far better than I ever could what is best for me.

And, as Christopher Robin said to Pooh, "You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

*Did you know that the real Hundred Acre Wood is part of the Ashdown Forest, a few miles north of where I live? And yes, I have played Pooh Sticks at Pooh Bridge :D

Picture from The Disney Wiki. Photos my own.